Why Did You Break My Heart? – Part VII
office

Now coming to the seventh and the last part of the story “Why Did You Break My heart.” If you like it send your comments to [email protected] or [email protected] or [email protected] or [email protected]. She smiled. If only she had known that I had plans to tear apart her aunty mercilessly at the first given opportunity perhaps she would have killed me. Anyway we reached Vasco and as we got out of the hotel we found the uniformed chauffeur of the hotel carrying a placard “Mr. Lama and family “. What family? One of the vital cog was missing. The hotel had thoughtfully sent a bouquet for each ladies and they squealed in delight on receiving it. After all they were receiving a G.M.’s family of another hotel. At other time I would have taken pride in the fact but today there was a void in my heart. As we checked into our hotel rooms they squealed in delight as all the rooms were sea facing. Advantages of being a hotelier. But even the breathtaking view of the sea could not lift my spirit. They were like little kids and soon I was dragged to the beach along with them. The beach was teeming full with all kinds of I hired a canopy with 5 chairs and sat under it and ordered drinks for us men and mocktails for the ladies. Shina wanted to go deeper in the sea. I forbade her from doing so because the high tides in the nights could be dangerous. I sat there hoping against hope that she would at least text me. No such luck and now the anger was being replaced by fear and frustration. Had it been any other occasion I would have flown back on the 1st flight but here I could think of no excuse. I got up and on the pretext of going to the restroom and went far away from them. I called up the hotel and asked to be connected to the banquets. Ranjeet picked up the phone and I trying to sound casual asked if everything was alright. He replied everything was fine except that Pinky had not reported for work today also and even her cell was switched off. Now where the heck was she and what was she upto? I was panicking. After a few talks of here and there I hung up. I came back to the table and sat down with my thoughts far away. My wife perhaps read my expression and asked, “What happened honey. Is everything alright? I: Nothing dear just trying to relax. Just then my daughter’s cell and her face brightened on seeing the no. She jabbered away. Now again. no guessing who it was. What was happening was certainly turning me slowly into a maniac. Sure she loved my baby and I did not grudge her for that but what harm had I done her that she was avoiding me like this? And just a few days back I meant the world to her and now I didn’t even exist. Soon enough even my wife was talking to her. This couldn’t be really be true. Just a few hours ago I was devising methods of punishing her but on the contrary it was I who was being punished. Was this her way of getting back at me for yesterday nights behaviour. Oh how I wanted to speak to her and apologise to her but she wasn’t even concerned about me. I could have texted her my apology but then she had shut that no. and I could not ask for this new no. because I’d not shown much interest in her in their presence so what reason could I give. Do you get the dilemma I was in? In short this is how the entire trip of Goa went and she’d not even joined duty at the hotel. I just wanted to get back to Mumbai because I wanted to get to the root. The evening before I received an sms and it was from HER. I was delighted. I immediately opened it “Darling I know I’ve hurt you lot for the last few days but you are the only man I’ve ever loved and will love. Plz try to understand and also forgive me for what I’m doing. Luv u.” Shit what did that mean? I immediately tried to call her but SWITCHED OFF. OH GOD WHAT WAS GOING ON ? That was one of the most impatient nights of my life. Well I think I would not delve in details about my mental trauma and leave it to your pure imagination. As soon as we reached Mumbai I made an excuse and taking my car drove straight to her house and was shocked to know that they had shifted from there and nobody knew where. Now this stunned me. Now how was I going to find in such a huge city like Mumbai. Well disappointed I drove back home. As I entered the house I found that Shina was again on the line with her and this time I was tempted to snatch the phone from her and yell in it “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU SHIFTED and WHY ?” But doing that could have been disaster. I poured myself a stiff drink and just sat there in total daze. Nothing I did could make me understand that why was my world falling around me like nine pins. Just a few days back everything was just about perfect and now I was staring at a dark tunnel. WHY??? WHY????? WHY?????????? Had I been alone I would have smashed the glass against the wall. I was getting paranoiac and as if my brains would burst out. I did not know but somewhere something was terribly wrong. The only consolation was that she was ok because at least she was calling my baby and this was the only assuring part. I was cursing the day I introduced Shina to Puno. Yes she was fine and she was in constant touch with my baby but what crime had I committed that she was so deliberately avoiding me? {Can you think of any act of mine which could have purported such a response?} Just then there was a buzz and again a text and it was her, “Honey I know you are worried to death for me but plz read your mail in the office tomorrow and you’ll know why? Honey whatever you may think about me after that. I don’t know what you’ll think of me but 1 thing is sure that I’ll always luv you from the core of my heart. Bye.” I immediately called the no. Same result SWITCHED OFF. Now where was she leading me to and what kind of a mail had she sent me that she could not speak to me directly? Yes I did have an intimidating reputation but I’d never given her any reason to be scared of me, rather I used to be cautious while dealing with her making sure I never hurt her in anyway. And now she wants to communicate to me through Mail. What a crap? Well what option did I have? She was in command and she was calling the shots. Was this the end of story?????????? Where would this lead me to? Too many questions………… but no answer that time. My excitement, overconfidence, over zealousness, overnaveity, had been the reason behind the events unfolding and the way the story ended in the way it does. How? Just read on but as I write these lines it is not becoming any easy for me because the entire event is once again unfolding before and taking me to the exact painful past. Well perhaps it was only because I seemed to have dozed off in the reclining chair on the balcony itself. I woke up to the 1st light day and the chirping of the birds. As I looked around I saw the glass lying on the floor and cigarette stubs lying all around. Shit what a mess? If any of the family members saw this I would have a lot of explanation to do and in this frame of mind I was not ready for such a scenario. So I quickly cleared up the mess and entered the bathroom and after relieving myself took a long cold bath but nothing seemed to soothe my nerves. I went to d kitchen and made myself a black coffee. Believe me this narration is becoming really stressful and I’m feeling tempted to have a couple of drinks but unfortunately I’m sitting in my office and want to get over this painful load as soon as possible. One more thing I’ll keep her mail in the original format word to word and there will be no emotional display from me. But in between at places I’ll insert captions to take you in a rewind mode so that you can know where I’d goofed up or where I’d failed to take seriously the hints dropped by her. I request you to put yourself in my place to get a better feel of the emotions I went through. In the end you’ll know how I behaved but would like to know what you would have done in such a bizarre scenario. Suspense is building up right? So if you are tensed then you can well imagine the exact state of mind I was in at that given time. One more thing. After the conclusion if you find it hard to believe that there exists such a person or not exists that won’t make any difference but I would definitely consider it an insult to her a serious harm to our love. With coffee in my hand I passed my daughter’s room. I peeped in and she was fast asleep and what a beauty she was turning out to be and my heart went out to her. After all she was in no way responsible for my predicament. Taking a deep breath I moved to our bedroom . Sipping my coffee I looked at the wall clock it was 6:00 am. Normally I leave for office at 8:00 am but today I knew I would leave earlier because I wanted to get over with the worst as early as possible. So by 7:00 am I was driving away to the hotel and it was only then that I realized that before leaving I’d left my laptop in Sander’s custody and Sander comes to the office only by 10:00 am, a conventional 10 to 6 job. But I was running out of patience and could hardly wait. There is a saying that time is virtue but it wasn’t applicable for me at present. So I called her on her cell {she answered in a sleepy voice} “Hello.” Shit she was sleeping. No wonder she didn’t see my no. I have never ever called her up so early and if I did ever call her up it was only after she had left and only to ask about certain files. I was overcome with guilt and thought to myself was I disturbing other people’s life as well? But the damage had been done. I: Sander its me, your boss. Sander:{hurriedly } Gm sir! So sorry I didn’t realize it was you. Is every thing alright? How can I help you? (I knew Sander secretly adored me and I quite enjoyed it but now was not the time for all that.) I: Sander, I’m sorry to disturb you at this hour but I needed to know where could I find my laptop in the office? I’ve some urgent mail to attend to? Sander: But Sir I’ve kept it in my locker and the keys are with me at home. I:{sounding disappointed} Oh I see. (Now only a miracle cud bring me my laptop before 10:00 am.” Sander: Sir, if the work is very important then I can reach the office in an hour. (There goes my doll. I told you she adored me.) I: Really I would appreciate that. I’ll arrange for you to leave early. Sander:That’s alright sir. I:{in a grateful voice} I’ll remember this. And I hung up. Now I was just a few minutes away from the hotel. So I drove my car at a snail’s pace. I drove to the driveway and stopped. The valet came and took my car to park. It was then that the realisation dawned me that for the 1st time in for yrs I would be in the hotel in the absence of Puno. I wondered how I was going to cope with her absence? When she used to come to the hotel I could feel her fragrance in the air but now as I entered the hotel and deliberately sniffed the air I was woefully reminded of her absence. I with great deal of effort managed to hold back my tears. As I walked passed the banquet office I glanced and there was an eery silence. It completely ripped my heart. Then and there I made a silent resolution that I would avoid this part of the hotel as much as I could. I just walk past my crew without even bothering to acknowledge their wishes. It was perhaps the 1st time in my career and they would be talking about it. But who cared I just wanted to get my hands on the MAIL. I entered my office and sitting on my chair the first thing I did was call up Ranjeet. After the usual greetings I told him that since I was back he could have the luxury of taking the day off and after thanking him for standing in for me I hung up. The reality was that I did not want anyone around me who would remind me of her. I knew if Ranjeet came to office then he was bound to bring up the topic of Puno and I didn’t want to discuss her with anybody till I knew what she was trying to communicate, through her THROUGH MAIL. My thoughts were broken down by a tap on the door and in came Sander with my my laptop in her hand. Even in my present scenario I couldn’t help admiring her punctuality and thanked her so profusely that she actually blushed. Before she left I requested her to try and avoid as many calls and appointment as possible because I wanted to be left alone. Looking at me in surprise she reminded me that today was Sunday. I smiled rather sheepishly. She left with a smile. So you see understand the maniac that I’d become. I’d lost count of day and date. Now time for the real part. I with trembling hands opened the laptop and switching it on went to the mail section. As I opened the in box I found that there hundreds of mails which needed answering but those would have to wait. I found the mail I was looking for with the subject “sorry but had no choice”. Now I’m going to present mail in the exact format with no emotions of mine involved but only short interruptions where necessary as I had mentioned earlier. “Darling I love you very sincerely from the core of my heart and I sincerely apologise you for the agony I intentionally put you through but honey I’d no choice but to prepare you for this. But I admire the way you’ve borne all this so manfully. Now before I proceed my love I would like to request you to plz brace yourself for what I’ve to say. Plz be calm and compose and you’ll realize the meaning behind my words and action. I know my hubby is a very strong man who loves me like and THAT IS WHY I FIRMLY BELIEVE YOU WILL NOT BREAK THE FAITH and TRUST I PUT IN YOU. Hubby, since I met you, you have given me all that a woman could ask for love, respect, pride and a great sense of security. In fact while the entire world around you holds you in high esteem and do not dare to cross your path you were always worried about me and my welfare and that made my chest swell with pride. I was just in paradise thinking that a wonderful person like you could luv and care for me so much. I never felt guilty that you had a wife because I’d purposely not tried to meet her or see her. I knew even if I loved her man but I never had desired to snatch him away. I was living in a dream house with you as husband and me as wife. Every moment I spent with you was eternal bliss. You went out of the way to throw a security blanket over me. I’d learnt, what life was only after you came into my life. No I stand corrected rather it was I who forced myself into your life. It would not be wrong to say I sort of seduced you. This truth I mention because it is important for understanding what is to come. {Now do you understand why I chose this medium to speak to you? Here you cannot protest or argue but just hear me speak my heart in total freedom and speech} So my dear hubby life was never so good. The only regret that I could not bear a child of ours from our relation. How I wished to feel your baby in my womb. Sometimes I was tempted to not be on pills but then I remembered my promise. I also knew that if I did get pregnant you are such a man that you would consider it an accident and would not disown it but fiercely protect but then how would you avoid the complications? I love you much more than my life and funnily somewhere my heart had accepted your child as my child as well. Though I had not even met or even seen how she looked. But knowing you better than you I knew she had to be something special. Funnily my heart started to crave to meet her, talk to her, hug her and give her all the motherly love in my best possible way. Now these cravings didn’t get any less by the day but I never mentioned this to you because I didn’t want to unnecessarily worry. You are too precious to me and always will be come what may and I mean every word I say. But what I do is because of necessity of the situation. Then after so many years of craving I heard from you that Shina had come down for vacations. I was thrilled but apprehensive because of the pressure you were under with the New Year Eve’s preparations. So I did not pursue the matter. {Here hubby I need to add one thing and that is the theme party’s success credit goes to you only. Wow what convincing power. You would say it was teamwork but I would say it was a one man show.} Then you gave me the most wonderful gift of my life. The news that you were bringing Shina for the party. I couldn’t have asked for more. Believe me at the party as you two entered the party, the whole hall was in awe of her and seriously speaking for a moment I was green with envy on seeing her with you. But suddenly the feelings changed to oh this my baby that was holding on to your arms. Our baby who I’d been craving for so long. I knew perhaps I could not have borne you such a beautiful baby. But that instant something inside me told me that she was attached to me in a strong way. I felt a strange. sense of bonding with her . So instinctively I took her away from the crowd and wow what a girl she was, so innocent but clean at heart, so naive and simple but yet so mature. She had to be your blood no doubt about that. As I spoke to her I realized that her world revolved around her Pa. {Now I find that it is the best loving word in the world}. Well though she didn’t say it in words I knew that she missed you a lot in her daily life. Now I was determined to bring her Pa closer to her at any cost. So I spoke to you in this regard but you defused the issue. But I was determined and you know how stubborn I can be. Then I met didi with a lot of apprehension. But wow what a lady. I was amazed at her qualities. Wow so beautiful but not a trace of arrogance. So simple and unassuming in nature. Honest and trusting with no touch of fake. No wonder you’d fallen in love with her. THAT WAS THE 1ST TIME I FELT A TINGE OF GUILT IN MY HEART. Then in the house when she made me her sister something inside me snapped. My conscience told me that I had been in the wrong footing. Here were two of the world’s most wonderful ladies I had ever met and I’d been cheating on them by having an affair with you. I felt a strange form of strong guilt overcome me. But then I consoled myself by the fact I’d not known them before. But I made a promise to myself that though I could not stop my feelings for you but the affair had to be stopped after all I would be cheating on my sister and daughter. How could I? I knew I would have to talk to you in this regard soon. But you had other ideas. You wanted me to be a real part of the family and knowing you and your nature I knew what you meant by that and I panicked. I had just developed a beautiful relation and you were about to ruin everybody’s life. Being a woman I know its next to impossible to accept another woman in your man’s life. Had you thought what effect it would have had on all’s life? The world of the to ladies who do not love you but adore you would have come tumbling down. And you hubby? What about you? Would you have been able to live happily with the guilt? Would you be happy if they walked out of your like? Do you think I would be happy with you in this living with the guilt of it. No hubby I am surprised that you consider me so selfish. I had to take a decision and if you LOVE ME then you’ll not shed a tear or do anything foolish. “WE SHALL NEVER MEET AGAIN” I know it is going to be difficult for both of us but if we truly love each other then we have got to make this sacrifices. You have given me enough wonderful moments that the memories of those are enough to live by. Moreover we live in each other’s heart don’t we? I’ll always be in contact with our baby and that will give you an idea of my well being. Do you know I was tempted to come to Goa for one night and make love with you without precaution on the hopes of having a baby of you and use it as a prop for the rest of my life? But I gave up the idea because I couldn’t be unfair and keep your baby away from you. And you have already given me a wonderful baby in the form of Shina that what more could I ask for? My dear hubby don’t you worry about me because I’ve learnt a lot from you and that experience is enough to help me survive in this world. If it satisfies you then I promise you that it will be you only who I’ll turn to in case of any problem in life. Who else do I have? Now you plz do not hate me because I’ll live on the strength of your love only. Now there are going to be only two days in a year when my no. that you have will be active. One on your birthday when I would wish you and other on my birthday when I want you to wish me. Before I sign off I want my hubby to follow certain rules mentioned below. 1> With your determination and love for me I know it will not be difficult for you to trace me BUT YOU’LL MAKE NO SUCH ATTEMPT or I’ll be hurt. 2> You will move back to your native place as soon as possible with your family. 3> You’ll take good care of our daughter and shower her with my share of the love. 4> This situation shouldn’t make you drink excessively .REMEMBER I’M ALIVE AS LONG AS YOU ARE 5> This is the last time we both are crying. I know my hubby is the most wonderful man on this planet who loves me from the depth of my heart and as usual will not let me down. How I wish I was there to kiss off those tears flowing down my darling’s beautiful eyes. But what to do? Har kisi ko mukkamal jahan nahi milta! Kabhi zameen to kabhi aasmaan nahi milta!! Well darling it is time to say the final goodbye to the best hubby in the world. Thank you for the most wonderful four years of my life and for our wonderful baby. She will be my oxygen for the rest of my life. I have always known my hubby to be a strong and understanding man and I’m sure he’ll not cry because he loves me sincerely. Remember I breathe as long as you don’t break my trust. Bye sweetheart take good care of every body. Love you …. Love you …. Will always do so. I am sooo sooorrry. Bbyyee Mrs. Pinky Lama alias your Puno I just sat there STUUUNNNEEDD Tears rolled down my cheeks and I was totally blank.{I’ll avoid the detailing of the painful emotions} There was no denying that she was absolutely right about the reactions from the ladies if I had told them about us. Perhaps I was lucky to have practiced restrain but it was only because of Puno’s weird behaviour at that given point of time. Otherwise I was so close. How do you think the ladies would have reacted if I had told them about us? Would they have accepted her? Did she do the right thing? I would request you to kindly respond to this query. Well coming back to the story. I was in a dilemma but I had to respect her decision as I always because that I loved her. So this explains my shifting base to another city. Today my daughter is a beauty of 19 years and has become my best friend. She is in her 12th standard and shares everything but not her conversations with Puno aunty which happens at least twice a day. Occasionally even my wife chips in. But I dare not talk to her. In between she has visited this city twice and met our baby and this news she gave me on the rare occasions of our birthdays when we talk. But when I ponder back I see there are few questions that need to be addressed. How Puno managed to avoid Shina from bringing her home is a mystery? But isn’t she herself a mystery. Another which is a suspense to me is why did my baby not mention her visits to me? Why had she suddenly stopped discussing her Puno aunty with me? Was she suspicious too? Did she get any whiff of our agreement or so? But whatever it could be her bonding with her aunty and me wasn’t affected. In fact my angel has become very possessive of me and demands maximum of my time and attention. I make it a point to take off from on our respective birth days, drive to some secluded spot and talk to each other for hours. But I still do not know where Puno is and I dare no ask her or I might even lose this small privilege. That’s the end and not the end as well as I’d mentioned earlier. I still carry a glimmer of hope in my heart. Am I wrong? I am honored that you have so patiently been all along with me in this journey. Puno’s birthday is around the corner. As per her self inflicted hiatus I can talk to her and wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I hope to hear her welfare and would tell you how she is now. If by any chance Puno is reading this story……….. Do not take any offense from the story as I still miss you……….. Allow me to see you also twice a year as my heart bleeds for you…. Maybe we can talk to Shina and Shahana about our relationship and work out something. So friends that was the story. Plz empathize with me not sympathize and this has to clearly understood by the readers while responding at the end. And also advice me what should I do now. Hope you liked it despite being too long was gripping. If you like it send your comments to [email protected] or [email protected] or [email protected] or [email protected].